i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
