I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She needs sedatives and a leash
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
