On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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