My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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