Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
