I'm going to jail i love you
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
