is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
