Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
