butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
