i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
