I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
