I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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