You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
