No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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