can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
