She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
