she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
