Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
