doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
