I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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