She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
