you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
