I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
