It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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