i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
