I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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