I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
