life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
