dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Nicole vs. Life
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
