No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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