We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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