Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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