i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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