420 ftw
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
