i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
