At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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