I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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