i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
