Little spoons don't ask big questions
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
