He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
