Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
