Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
