the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
