im six kinds of drunk right now
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
