could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
