if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just want to make out with him forever
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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