dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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