i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
