Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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