if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
