Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Randomize
