Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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