I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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