Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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