Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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